...and then there were two!

I'm soft like pudding

After two weeks of panicking about my visa, I finally got the blasted thing on Tuesday. I finally flew off on Thursday, after changing my flight twice because of the blasted visa.

I'm now in the UK... alone. :( And it's the worst thing ever.

I miss DN so much. The night I left, I was all moody and grumpy. I don't know if he sensed it, but he was quite sticky that night. And as much I cannot stand that purple dinosaur, I watched half an episode of Barney with him in my lap, and it was nice. At one point, I started weeping because I was leaving him in about an hour and I knew I wasn't going to see him for a while.

He didn't follow us to the airport because it was a late flight. We said our good-byes in the car park before we drove off to Changi. I pretty much held it together and managed to smile and wave "bye" as I got into the car. He was smiling and waving too and I heard him go "BAI-YEE!".

That's when everything went pear-shape. I quickly scrambled into the car and started crying and heaving. It was niagara falls, big time. I can't even begin to describe how I was feeling then. And I never want to experience it again.

I wasn't any better on the plane. I cried while watching Made of Honor because the guy and girl finally got together, and during CSI because... hey, I don't even know why I was crying! CSI is gross! There's blood and organs flying all over the place!

At the Heathrow Bus Station, while waiting for my coach, I called PF and spoke to DN for a bit and I tell you, I lost it when he said, "Mama!". So how? Cry again! I asked DN what he was doing and according to PF, he ran away. I was like, "Yeah thanks. I gave birth to you WITHOUT epidural and you run away." But, he came back! He was play-cooking earlier and had run away to get a ladle to show me what he was doing! And he fed the phone. LOL.

Sigh, I do miss the little bugger a lot. I miss the smell of his hair when he's sleeping at night. I even miss his sour-ish 6pm smell at the end of the day. I miss how he never walks, but runs everywhere. ("Walk" wasn't programmed into his CPU.) I miss how he reaches for my hand when I sit in the back of the car with him. I miss how he will stuff everything on his plate into his mouth when you say, "Let's go!". I miss his eskimo kisses.

And now, I'm bloody crying again! -_- (I now have a little pile of wet tissue balls next to me.)

I haven't looked at any of DN's pictures since I got here because it will turn me into a useless sniffling heap. And I don't want to remember that last hug or kiss from because it'll just make me cry all over again.

Sigh. I don't know if I can do this. Sometimes I think I bite off more than I can chew, without thinking if I can do it or not. Maybe I'm too gung-ho for my own good. I'm really not that brave. I cried at the 5-day Girl Guides Teacher Training Camp in Serembun, on the 2nd day! What a wuss. And at that time, I was still IN SINGAPORE and there was no DN then. Can you imagine how I'm feeling now??

Sigh. I want to go home. I miss DN so much.

Oh yah, and PF too. ;)